She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
