I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
