You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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