It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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