so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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