Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
