I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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