just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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