No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
