the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
