I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
