If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
