u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
