WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
