So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
