I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
