maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
