I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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