i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
