Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
