My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
