I hope mine doesn't look like that
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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