Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
