Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
