Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
