Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
