Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
