If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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