If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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