you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
