I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Panties = found
Randomize
