You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
