I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
