I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
