You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
