Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
