The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
