We need to rekindle our bromance
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
