Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
