Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
