She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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