Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
