omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
