I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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