I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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