I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
