every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
