Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
