Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
