I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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