If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
